New Day..New Perspective

I was wanting to write in my journal tonight, but then I realized I didn't have it with me since we're at the hospital.  I know people probably don't even read this, and if they do they probably don't really care. lol But it makes my day seem like it was worth something if I document it. So I'm just going to blabber on and on if you care to read....  

Today Brandon had surgery (yes, another one) and the surgeon is pretty confident that he "fixed" some of Brandon's problems. We have been praying nonstop since I was 3 months pregnant for some relief and comfort on our part, and for Brandon to be healed. Well it's been about 16 months since the day we found out there was something wrong, and Brandon has yet to be fully healed. I want to have faith, and I do have faith that this will be our last hurdle to cross, but I don't want to be disappointed later on down the road when something goes wrong. I feel like this whole crisis has been such a mind game.. Do I have enough faith? Do I not? Is that why things aren't better yet? But then I think about so many people who have it WAY worse than Brandon and it makes me feel like a small, insensitive person for even complaining. However, trials are trials. What may be a huge trial for one person may be a small trial for someone else. It's all about what an individual can handle and what God wants for them at this time in their life. 

I feel like the lesson God has in store for me is PATIENCE...and we all know that's something I need to work on. If you didn't know that, now you do. lol Anyway, in all this rambling what I'm trying to say is that there have been a few key things that have gotten me through this last year. 1) My testimony 2) My family 3) Prayer 4) Faith/Hope 5) Patience/Endurance. But the key thing is the third, prayer. If anything has changed for me in the past 2 years it's been my testimony of prayer. I used to be a loser with my prayers...repeating the same thing over and over every single day. And then Brandon happened, and with each day my testimony of prayer has grown enormously. I used to think that God didn't hear my prayers, or maybe he did and just didn't feel like answering me. In fact I sometimes thought that way up until just about a month ago. Some pretty amazing things have come to pass since then. I know prayer is real. I know that with all of my heart. I know God hears us and whether we believe it or not, He has His own way with answering us. My prayers were answered this month.. and I'm not saying Brandon is cured by any means.. but God listened, and He answered. My testimony of prayer cannot be broken now because of the strong reminder I had this month. I am so grateful that we have such a loving and merciful God. I got to the point where I was so broken down that God helped ease my burdens.. maybe it's not forever, in fact I know it's not, but at least He helped pick me up this week. I am very, very grateful for that. I needed some hope in my life. I was reminded by all of this as I was reading this scripture tonight. James 5:11 Behold, we count them ^ahappy which ^bendure. Ye have heard of the patience of ^cJob, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very ^dpitiful, and of tender ^emercy. 13: Is any among you ^aafflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms. 

Anyway.. I'm done rambling.. I'm just so grateful to have Brandon and Michael in my life. I'm feeling very grateful tonight. =)